Something I never understood is the unspoken rule that women don’t make the first move, and that men should be the initiators when it comes to starting a conversation or for sex.
I’ve met lots of women who say “I would never make the first move,” or tell stories about how they went on a date and couldn’t “wait for him to make a move,” and then their utter disappointment when he didn’t.
Or that feeling almost every woman has had when they’re out in public and see the most gorgeous man they’ve ever laid eyes on, and just hoped he would approach her, but all that happens is eye contact for a split second, and you’re left wondering if you’ll ever see him again.
It just doesn’t make sense to me — if you want something you should go get it, right?
When guys don’t make a move, it’s usually because they either don’t know how to read the (sometimes impossible to understand) cues women give, they don’t want to offend you, or because they’re just too scared to. If you notice your date isn’t getting as touchy or flirty as you want them to, the best way to get them to open up is to initiate contact yourself.
Unfortunately, many women don’t do this, which just ends up with both of you leaving the date horny and disappointed.
Fear of rejection is often a reason women don’t want to be the ones to get something going or to ask men on a date, but that shouldn’t stop you. The worst thing someone can do is say they’re not interested, and if that’s the case then you just move on! No harm no foul. There’s a 50/50 chance of you getting laid or going home to please yourself. I’d say there’s no loss there.
Also, a survey done by online dating site OkCupid says that women who sent the first message increase their chances of dating more attractive men and men they’re interested in. The results are likely to be as good, if not higher, in person, because that’s a rarity a lot of guys appreciate.
It’s so much easier to approach a guy online versus IRL, though. All you have to do is slide into the DMs and you’re pretty much set from there. Either they’ll curve you, and you can just move on without feeling the sting of rejection to your face, or they reciprocate the interest back and see where it goes from there.
Here are some tips to help you make a move on the guy you’ve been eyeing, or the next beautiful stranger you see.
1. Eye Contact
This move alone will make or break the entire thing.
We’ve all experienced super hot eye contact versus extremely awkward eye contact.
Eye-fucking is only cute when you’re in an appropriate setting, like the club where you’re both pretty drunk, and not in class, the store, the gym — pretty much anywhere else. You don’t want to stare into their soul either, and creep him out only to have him think “I need to get the fuck away from this person as fast as possible.”
Instead, give a glance that’s long enough for him to notice you’re looking at him, but short enough so that it’s not awkwardly long. When you catch their attention and your eyes lock for that split second, smile at him, too.
If you already know the guy you want to ask out or get in bed with, I’d do the same thing and do it a couple of times, so they know something is up because you’re looking at him more than usual.
2. Initiate Conversation
So now that you’ve made yourself known, it’s time to move past looking and do the talking.
If you’re across the room from him, find an excuse to get to his side of the room. If you’re in a grocery store, for example, and the guy you’re interested in so happens to be in the produce aisle checking out the avocados, make your way up to the avocados as well. You could comment on how ripe they’re looking (the avocados, I mean), or ask which recipes they love and go from there.
If you have class with him the situation is made that much easier for you. You see him a couple of times a week already, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to strike up a conversation. Maybe ask him something generic and simple, like about an assignment or if they understand what’s going on currently in the class.
3. Shoot Your Shot
Now, the thing you probably need most help with is how to take innocent small talk to asking him out or for their number — which brings me to mention that you should never outwardly ask if they’re DTF because you’re sure to scare him away says pornstar Shea Summers. That could make for a painfully awkward situation since you’ll most likely catch him off guard with a question like that. Instead, ask for their number first.
The thought of hitting on a guy might seem taboo and utterly terrifying — but trust me, it’s nowhere near as scary as it seems. All you have to do is smile and let your intention be known. If they say something you could turn into a flirty statemnt, they basically opened the door for you, so go for it! They’ll most likely be impressed and laugh a lil’ bit, which is always a plus with anybody.
But just like we learned in kindergarten, honesty is the best policy.
If you consider yourself to be lacking in smooth moves, are just too nervous to even think of something clever to say, or for anyone really, the best thing you could do is be upfront and straight to the point.
After you’ve had a little conversation, or if you’ve known this guy for a while and are tired of “just” talking, you should be direct about what you want.
Again, this doesn’t mean you should just outwardly say, “I want to fuck you,” unless you’re in the right setting where that wouldn’t be weird. But being straight up saves a lot of time of pointless conversation where you’re both waiting for someone to make a move and cuts to exactly what you want. You could say something along the lines of “I think you’re really cute and if you’re down, I’d like to hangout with you sometime.” If you’ve gone a while knowing this guy and are lost on how to ask for their number finally, you could say something casual during a conversation like, “Wait — Do I have your number? What is it?”
It doesn’t have to be awkward at all, and if you display confidence, he’ll like that bcause confidence is attractive.
Then, when you finally text him, you could now bring up sex or ask to go out on a date, depending what you’re looking for. To lead up to asking, you could make comments about how attractive you find him throughout your texts and flirt with him so they get the idea.
But the most important thing is to be clear about your intentions and let him know what’s up. If you’re just looking for casual sex, say that. If you’re interested in learning more about him and going on a date, say that. In a world where we like to beat around the bush, there’s no need for that here. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself and he probably will too.
With confidence and a vagina, you coud conquer the world! Now go off and conquer that boy you’ve been wanting!